Midget sex pt 2 tonight
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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