I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
