It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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