He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
