He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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