I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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