so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will pee on everything he values.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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