Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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