I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
