How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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