He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
PANTIES FOUND
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
