And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
