Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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