That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There's even glitter on my cock...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
