marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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