'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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