I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
