Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
