you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
