I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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