ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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