I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
