Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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