Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
