and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
