hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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