Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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