look no pants
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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