I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
