Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
