I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
