i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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