We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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