Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize