Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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