After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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