I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
