A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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