were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
