can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she told me i tasted like america
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
