watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
