I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
