Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
