Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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