It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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