ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
