WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
