We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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