Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
