what day is it and did you see me today?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
