Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
