Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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