I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
