I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize