Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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