I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
