i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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