He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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