We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
