I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
