so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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