don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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