I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
