Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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