all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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