i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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