I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
