i love accidental penises.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
