Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
