I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
