That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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