somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
