Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
