You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize