the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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