I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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