okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
