If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
