I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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